Lingering Anger


I knew something was wrong early. This was my third pregnancy, and I’d never been kicked like this. I had to lie in certain positions to get him to stop. If I shifted to a position he didn’t like, he kicked up a storm. Even before birth he seemed agitated all the time.

He was born at 12:30 in the morning. At 3:00 a.m. they took him to the nursery so I could get some rest. At 5:00 a.m. they brought him back because he would not stop screaming. They tried all the things that normally calm a baby. None had worked, and he had all the babies in the nursery upset.

All through babyhood, he didn’t just cry, he screamed, unless I was holding him. The first three months the only way he would sleep was lying on my tummy. Occasionally, when he was finally asleep, I’d gently sneak him into the bassinet. Before long he’d startle awake and scream in absolute terror. That is the only way I can describe it—there was terror in his expression and in his voice.

This persisted for several years. As he grew, I tried to put him in the nursery at church and at preschool. He constantly disturbed and upset other children. He seemed terribly angry, and I was afraid he would really hurt someone. When he did hurt someone, he seemed to have no remorse. My other children were nothing like this. I worried and worried over what was wrong. What happened to this innocent child?

When he was three years eleven months, he said something that startled me. He had been examined repeatedly by doctors and psychologists. His tested IQ is over 130, in the gifted range. He was quite articulate for his age. I was driving on the freeway and from his car seat he said, “Mommy, I didn’t like being with that other family. They yelled a lot and were mean. I was scared. It really hurt a lot when they ‘lobbed’ me out at the doctor place. Then I got to come and be with you. This family is nicer. They don’t yell so much. I like it better here.”

That’s all he would say.

Could the catalyst for our son’s anger and terror be vestigial memories of painful rejection by abortion?

Compiled by Sarah Hinze

One Comment

  1. Kathy wrote:

    Thanks so much for sharing. Definitely struck a chord with me! THANKS!